Identifying Fake News and Exposing the Deep Fried State

Been hearing a lot about fake news lately-- and boy don’t I know this is an epidemic! While the Enemy of the People (previously inaccurately referred to as the Free Press) has been deceiving the American People by carefully researching and presenting objective facts, I have figured out a great way (the greatest way) to separate the wheat from the chaff to help you understand when the very very sick, lying media is tricking you. My method is easy and doesn’t require a lot of investigative work because it doesn’t require any work – and as a bonus, you won’t even have to think too hard.

Separating the facts from the fake involves a few simple steps.

Let’s begin by identifying Real News.

Step 1: First, ask yourself, how does the information make you feel? Feelings have been scientifically proven by many many scientists (like a boatload of scientists) to be the most accurate way of assessing whether information is factual. Ask yourself, does the information presented make you feel 1) better about yourself and superior to all the hoards of people who are stealing, murdering and raping your job? 2) Does the information justify your fear of --and contempt for-- anyone who is not exactly like you and who does not share your ideology? Finally, does it 3) fuel you with a lot of self-righteous indignation?

Step 2: Next ask: 1) Does the information that is making you feel good about yourself and morally superior to everyone else contain numbers and percentages, and use only the best words like “data”, “poll” and “evidence”? 2) Are you seeing images of people who look a lot like you wearing baseball caps and t-shirts with slogans that you agree with? If you have answered yes to all or most of the above, you can safely assume that whatever you are reading, seeing or smelling is factual.

Fake News also jumps out at us very easily. To spot fake news, you need only apply one, final step:

Step 3: Ask, yourself, 1) does the information presented make me question myself and society around me? 2) Does it make me feel at all guilty about some of my behaviors and assumptions? 3) Does it force me to feel empathy toward my fellow human beings such that I cannot dehumanize them? 4) Does it make me question those in power in any way? This type of information-- which makes you question authority and your own preconceptions-- is littered with manipulative falsehoods. You should and must disregard it as Fake News.

Here is a good example of how I applied some of the above steps to identify the accuracy of news:

Recently I read some real science-y articles about how people who talk to themselves and curse a lot are highly intelligent. The articles included numbers and percentages. I talk to myself and have the mouth of a sailor! As with all information that makes me look good, and feel good about myself-- even glorifying my bad traits-- I am certain that these studies are legitimate, scientific studies based on solid data. Now I feel superior to the poor fools who lack the creative brilliance to curse or have an ongoing internal dialogue all day. In fact, I feel contempt for the stupid, inferior people who do not do these things. I wonder if they are even human? Do they deserve to live in this beautiful country or should we deport them right away, or maybe just take their children?

On the flip side, I read a really really supremely stupid article on how older siblings have higher IQs than younger ones. It deeply offended me because I am a younger sibling. This article was dumb, junk science. It was clearly entirely fictional because I did not like it and it made me feel bad about myself. The writers (aka “scientists”) are evil and dangerous and should be locked up and waterboarded.

See how easy this is?

Now let’s expose the Deep Fried State which is behind all of this fake news.

People often refer to the Deep State, but this is just the treachery of progressive liberals who are trying to confuse you and throw you off the scent of the real culprit --which is the Deep Fried State.

The Deep Fried State is hiding in plain view in your French fries, onion rings, mozzarella sticks and anything known as “comfort food”. It does not want you to notice it and is lulling you into a stupor. I am not saying you should avoid fried foods. Not by any means! In fact, I read an article that says that fried foods are actually the healthiest foods and Americans don’t consume enough of them, which is why we are all wasting away.

I applied my test to quickly determine the article was very science-ish and was therefore highly factual. While you should not avoid or cut back on fried food (because that is what the Deep Fried State is trying to make you do) you should be aware that there are hidden messages in your fried food planted by the liberal elite and the mainstream media. Your fries are trying to brainwash you with news that is of course, Fake. You don’t have to listen. If a piece of food on your plate is whispering to you, the best recourse is to just eat it and shut it up immediately. There is no need to engage in any kind of prolonged dialogue because you won’t change each other’s views or even learn from each other. Fried food is tasty and very healthy, but it is malevolent and filled with treachery. Just don’t let it go there. Shut down the dialogue by dousing it in ketchup, BBQ sauce or Ranch, and don’t let it get into your head.

In sum, I hope you are feeling educated and empowered to protect yourself better against the barrage of false news that assaults us every day. Remember, as you interact carefully with your fried food and apply the above tests, there are two kinds of lies in the world. There are the lies that the Other Side tells you, which are real lies. These lies are evil, immoral and harmful. Then there are the positive, expedient lies that Your Side tells you. These lies are benign and meant to make you feel good and help you go about your business without having to think too much. These lies also enable those in power to go about their business, which involves enriching themselves by sacrificing you. Accordingly these lies are not lies, but truths!

Once you have identified the Deep Fried State so you can shut it down, applied the above easy tests, and accepted the fact that Your Side is not capable of lying --and even when it does lie, you understand that its lies are just truths that are made up --- you will be armed with a head bursting with facts, and will therefore be ready to face the real enemy: other Americans who disagree with you!

Best of luck with my techniques, and please don’t try to contact me for any further advice. I may or may not be living in my mother’s basement somewhere in Moscow. I am just an American patriot who is trying to put vodka on the table and make an honest living so I too can live the American Dream! To my fellow Americans, I say “Salut!”